Tattoo

When I was 19 I got a tramp stamp. Guess what of... Yup a butterfly. I hate it so much now that I haven't got one since.

But now I want an arm sleeve.

Of the movie Labyrinth.

I love this movie, for so many different reasons. I would never ask a goblin king to take my siblings away, but I love how it's all just one dream and she figures it out by saying you have no power over me. I also love when her friends come back to visit her and say should you need us. As I embark on my new journey without my sisters for the first time in my life. I how the tattoo will remind me that I create my own destiny and happiness and that my sisters will always be there for me like I am for them.

Dance magic dance magic dance 

My mommy Secrets

I have been told time and time again "you have such good kids" "your kids make me want to have kids" as if I had some sort of art of raising children down pat. I don't. My kids still have tantrums and get disciplined. But I've learned some tricks on the way that could be helpful to you!

1.Saying no. When my kids were babies, we only used the word no if something was dangerous. I think it helps them to understand your tone, without yelling and differentiate between no more cookies, or no don't run away from me. Downfall: when other family members use the word no for lesser things and my kids freak out haha.

2. No hitting. I hate this saying "I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine" but did you? In my past "people in my life used the belt, their hand, made us sit on grates and fireplaces, kept books on our weight, used a bean cup and everytime we were bad we got a bean inside and got grounded, boot camp, broke my glasses, broke a collarbone, gave us bruises, made us bled, broke a cutting board over our head, threatened to light us on fire, we were forced to comb out their dandruff to all hours of the night, weren't allowed to see family members, the list goes on. I knew the moment I became a mother I could discipline without hitting. I use toilet time outs, and give my children 1 minute time out per age. Hitting is not love. It's you getting frustrated because you aren't getting through to your child.

3. Dream dates. This is something I started with Camden to stop cosleeping. I love cosleeping my husband doesn't. I let him pick out somewhere to go in our dream and tell him mommy has to run back to her room so I don't miss you! It's super exciting and he is happy that he can find me in his dreams.

4. Emails. When my kids were born, they got email addresses. I didn't want them to be camdenburhoe2837@ ;) plus I send them words of encouragement and notes and pictures for them to read one day.

5. Dates. My son and I go on dates often. He picks out his outfit and chooses the place. It's so important to have one on one time.

6. Olive juice- for when they are too old to say I love you:) 

7. Cosleeping. My favourite thing in the soles. Break the rules. Let them be little. Even if you end up with feet in your face, it sure beats your husband Dutch opening you under the blankets!

What are some of your favourite tricks or things you do as a parent? 

Nightmares.. Not just for kids

I suffer from nightmares. I know that I'm dreaming during them, because I try to wake myself but can not. I'm flailing and shaking and throwing my bed in my dream and screaming at my husband to wake me up. I even quote my favourite movie Labyrinth and say "you have no power over me."

I had three episodes alone last night.

I went to my doctor and got a prescription for it (I've run out)

And have researched some other things to do to make them less occurring.

I wake up with scratches on my body even! 

My doctor is going to put me through psychotherapy  to see if there is anything emotional causing them.

But I just read you can change your nightmare script by  trying imagery rehearsal therapy. 

It's a three step process.

1. Jot down a brief description of your nightmare. Last night one of my sisters was being held at gunpoint.

2. Think of ways to change your nightmare. Relying on intuition 

3. Set aside a few minutes each day to imagine this altered version of the nightmare.

What tricks do you use? Do you suffer from nightmares or night terrors? 

Vision boards

A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. You display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life.

It's all about the law of attraction and keeping your attention on your intentions.

The last time I did one everything came true!

So today I did another.

Last time mine was to get a car, a house, get married and have another baby.

This time

Mine is to spend more time with my sisters

To take more vacations with my family

To become happy about the people in my life right now, and to live the life I'm in.

To move to the east cost, to treat myself more. 

To let go of yesterday's feelings

To know I'm not irreparably broken

And to know my best begins right here! 

My twinnie

A sister is a best friend for life. I am blessed with 3. They provide me with support, advice, and unconditional love.

This post is about my "twinnie" Koryn.

Usually my sister watches Everly for me. But I had this day off for some reason. So I texted my sister and said- I'm off today enjoy your day off! (She's 22 weeks pregnant) and I got a reply saying Ok. So I went back to bed.

I woke up to my phone ringing, it was my sisters boyfriend. He said I'm at the hospital. Talk to the nurse.

My heart was racing.

She said Hi Kristin your sister had a stroke, and needs to be medivaced to Edmonton. Can you go with her? I frantically said ok, packed up my daughter and raced to drop her off at my other sisters.

When I got to the hospital they had changed heir mad and couldn't let me fly with her. Which turned out to be a good decision because my sister boyfriend hadn't slept from night shift yet. So I drove with him to Edmonton.

I sat in the waiting room with my family and thought she'll be ok- she has to be ok.

And my mother and sister said she's improving.

Well when I got to my sister she was not ok. She couldn't see, she couldn't talk and all her words were mumbled. Her beautiful smile was crooked and my heart sank. I wanted to take her place. I felt guilty for being depressed in my own life when I have everything. I was angry. I left the room and bawled and was mad at my family for telling me she was ok.

But my sister and mom told me to keep positive. I spent the whole weekend at the hospital.

It turned out my sister had a Cavernoma in the brain (tumour) and it's right in the middle of the brain. Her being pregnant caused the cavernoma to bleed and cause her to stroke. 

I've never prayed so hard in my life. 

I laid beside my sister and rubber her back, brushed her hair, sang her songs ( Randy Travis Forever and ever Amen) , talked about the past, and future, shared in the exciting news that her boyfriend proposed to her while in the hospital, and just watched her sleep. Not once did she complain. Heck she even teased me when I quizzed her and asked who I was and she said my first cousin?

She just said don't worry I'm gonna get better.

And so she has. She was released yesterday, and although the baby has to come via c section early, she is improving and baby is healthy! 

My sister said to me I'm sorry for being so mean to you. No sissy. You've never been mean to me. You mean to me.

I can't wait until you're all better, and baby is here. You are going to be a wonderful mother just as you are a sister a Aunty and a friend. 

Letting go - Bereavement Therapy

Forgiveness.

As a child, bad things happened to me and my sisters. A lot of which you can read about in my poems. But I remember talking to my grandmother and she told me, don't hold grudges. No matter how bad the person may be. And I've tried my best to do so.

I am able to forgive, but my biggest downfall is I am not able to let go.

I would give almost anything to have a relationship with my father, although it's not in the  cards. I still care about every past boyfriend I have. And my heart still breaks for friendships I have lost.

My Doctor is actually putting me through something called Bereavement therapy, because I have such a hard time letting go of people who have left me.

I once had a conversation with a dear friend who had just lost her father, and recall telling her that at least her father died with love in her heart for her. For me, I don't know if my father will. When someone leaves you by choice, it's like a scar that doesn't heal.

I'm hoping this therapy will help me, to realize that just because someone is done in a part of my journey, doesn't mean I should not forge ahead with happiness and excitement on what's to come.

--Bereavement is the time we spend adjusting to loss. Grief can shake everything up, your beliefs, your personality, and even your sense of reality."